Last weekend I was washing a ton of dishes that were left in the sink.  Frustrated by the mess, my inner monologue (critical Beth, as I like to call her) kicked into high gear with a never-ending barrage of negative and judgmental thoughts. Critical Beth began to point out everything else that was a mess -  in the kitchen - in the whole house  - in my whole life.  During what seemed to be an eternity – likely about 10 minutes or so – I noticed I was holding my breath, tensing my shoulders, furrowing my brow, and most interestingly, I felt my heart tight, closed off, shut down, hard, unforgiving.

 I was reminded of Thich Nhat Hanh’s question – “How do we help our hearts to grow? 

And that question paused the runaway freight train of my mind.  I took a breath and considered how I could grow my heart in this moment.  The teaching of pratipaksha bhavana (Yoga Sutra 2:33) came to mind.

This sutra teaches us that when negative or unkind thoughts arise that we should try to flip our narrative and think positive or kind thoughts. It’s a tool to help us switch our thoughts and prevent the negative ones from taking hold and seeping into everything we do. Essentially, thinking the opposite thought can help us end our own suffering and thusly the suffering of others who might otherwise endure our wrath.

So, this is what I decided to do.  First, I set an intention to pay attention to my inner monologue during the course of the week. And whenever I notice that critical voice start speaking, I'm going to take a moment and a breath and try to flip my judgmental thoughts and find a more positive way to see things.  It’s not been easy for me, but in doing so over these past several days, I’ve noticed my heart a little softer, more open and connected, even more welcoming.  It feels like my heart is growing.  This is just one step on a long journey – as all journeys seem to be – but at least it’s a step in the right direction.

Heart Like a River
from How to Love by Thich Nhat Hanh

If you pour a handful of salt into a cup of water, the water becomes undrinkable.  But if you pour the salt into a river, people can continue to draw the water to cook, wash, and drink. The river is immense, and it has the capacity to receive, embrace, and transform. When our hearts are small, our understanding and compassion are limited, and we suffer.  We can’t accept or tolerate others and their shortcomings, and we demand that they change. But when our hearts expand, these same things don’t make us suffer anymore.  We have a lot of understanding and compassion and can embrace others.  We accept others as they are and then they have a chance to transform.  So the big question is: how do we help our hearts to grow?

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