One thing my practice (yoga, meditation, mindfulness, reiki) has taught me over the years, is to notice: to notice how I’m feeling, to notice my reactions to notice my breathing…you get the idea.
Today has been a day of noticing – noticing my resistance to working on a project I thought I really wanted to work on, and yet haven’t even skimmed the surface of it. When I finally sat with this resistance, I realized that while I liked the idea of this project, it wasn’t mine to do. I couldn’t find a deeper reason to do it, other than it might be fun to play around and create the project. I felt like I wasn’t sure what I would really contribute to the project. Therefore, I wasn’t actually creating anything – I was just nagging myself to do it and dragging my heels to do anything about it. Taking a moment to notice that recurring resistance, to investigate why I was resistant, allowed me to be honest with myself about what came up. I realized that this wasn’t my project to create right now – that I could shelve it for now - at least until I feel I have something useful to say and share. What a burden has been lifted off my shoulders! To give myself permission to say, “Neat project, but not for me, right now…maybe when I have more clarity about it.” has been so liberating!
This noticing also let me see in the midst of a conversation that I wasn’t reacting and acting in the best way I could have. While I, for whatever reason, couldn’t change my actions in the moment, the second I ended the conversation I felt distinctly what was wrong about the conversation. I knew how I felt about it and knew exactly what I needed to do to try to make it right.
Noticing doesn’t always solve our problems and fix things, but I think it makes us more sensitive and aware so that we can adjust more quickly and mindfully. Whereas before I may have hung out with the idea of the project for several months and even possibly forced myself to do it, ignoring the feelings of resistance and ignoring the possibility of taking a few moments to investigate it, at least now I have the support of these practices (of yoga, reiki, meditation) to help me sensitize a bit more to my inner feelings so that I can make more appropriate and conscious choices.
And that’s a gift of these practices that I think goes unnoticed - that they help us become more sensitive, aware, tuned in to our inner workings - to those things you know in your gut and in your bones. And, they give us the tools to help us investigate those inner sensations and connect more deeply to our inner workings.
So the next time you feel resistance come up, or a nagging feeling, or suspicion, pause for a moment and just ask yourself –“What is it all about? Why is this coming up right now?” Notice if it is the fear of something new or different; something that challenges your beliefs; something that is pushing you way out of your comfort zone that you feel you don’t have a handle on yet. It’s from that place of taking a moment to notice, question and investigate that we move a little closer to knowing so that we can then take conscious and appropriate action.
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